I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
