Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
