I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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