If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
