it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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