so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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