i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
