Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
