no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
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Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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