I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
