u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
