Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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