You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
