it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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