It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
