your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
