it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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