youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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