does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
