"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
