I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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