I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
