so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
