this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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