Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
