Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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