She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
