I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
