Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
this hospital has no fireball
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
