Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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