sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I AM VODKA MAN
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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