My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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