We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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