why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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