There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
