My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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