yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I party with great urgency now.
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