i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
