I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize