I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
