i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
