Three words: puerto rican gang bang
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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