ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
