I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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