I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
