woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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