I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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