It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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