I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
