I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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