i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
