you mean i was at the winter classic?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
