her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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