Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
