You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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