so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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