I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
