You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
