My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
