just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
