Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
