can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish you could order shots online.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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