you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
