in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize