Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
