May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
