his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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