bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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