took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
tell me about the fingering
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