She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize