I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He passed out mid-signature
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
