Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
