She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
