The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
