Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
