I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
